Thursday, January 10, 2013

Psychological component? Or beginning..?

From an article found on the site "The Center for Change":

"People with Anorexia Nervosa are usually persistent, conscientious, competitive and driven to succeed. They have a strong need for control. These same individuals have a poor sense of self and look for validation through their external achievements. They want to be the best athlete, the best student, and often feel terrible about perceived mistakes they believe they have made (socially, academically, etc…). They also tend to have a difficult time with change. People with Anorexia Nervosa tend to be obsessive, and self-critical. They often have much higher expectations of themselves than they do of others.
People with Anorexia are usually very conscientious and very good students."

My senior year in high school, I had what I think must have been a nervous breakdown due to stress; being involved in too many things, being a terrible perfectionist, and worrying about which college I would ultimately get into. I was on the Southettes flag team, a sports writer and copy editor for the school newspaper, had Principal's Honor Roll grades, was in National Honor Society, Quill and Scroll, and was on the Categories quiz bowl team as well as sundry other things. One day during the fall of my senior year, I suddenly had the sensation of a great lump in my throat, and almost immediately lost the ability to eat solid food. It was embarrassing, and was VERY hard to conceal socially. After it had been medically determined there was nothing physically wrong (no cancer, polyp, etc.), I went under a counselor's care. It wouldn't be until the following summer that I could consume a single slice of pizza without feeling like I was choking. I lost a horrific amount of weight, and was under 100 pounds. However, when I got better and began to gain weight back, I began to panic. I quit eating red meat, pizza, any cheese that wasn't the rubbery, fat-free kind, and ate exclusively salads, V8 juice, and low-fat crackers. I weighed myself many times a day, often calling my mother in tears from my dorm room, because I couldn't understand how I could start the day at 110, but be 123 by evening. I began to buy calorie books and fat gram books, eventually calculating the entirety of each bite I consumed. Thus, it began, in the worst form.

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